(It's my birthday, ya'll)

Dear 24.

We know you don't like being told what to do, because you are headstrong and independent and have been since the very first day you exited the womb, all blue and covered in viscera. The establishment, however, feels that, since we are somewhat of a package deal, perhaps you could do with a re-assessment of your priorities on this, the anniversary of your 24th revolution around your brightest, hottest star. 23 was not bad, we're not saying it was bad, we're just saying that there might be room for improvement. Might be being the operative words here; are you listening? Okay.

24, we will require that you continue to follow your absolute own determination in matters of looks, style, personality, humor, eloquence, and gender assignment. As if anybody besides the covenant of academia could ever make you do or be anything that you were not planning on inhabiting already; as scholar and gentleman Mr. T once said, "I pity the fool". However, we urge you, 24, to continue to try to deeper understand the frailty and sensitivity of human life. Please complete your assignment of making room for the different aspects of being that keep violently occurring, as if out of nowhere, all around you. These specimens are of utmost importance, and it is the truly exotic ones that will, most likely, supply you with the most vital information.

Please, remember patience, while balancing the furtive notion that at all times, and all around you, clocks are forever ticking. Keep a certain stillness in your heart, or at least try, even when you are being the most ridiculous clown you seem hell-bent on being despite our every desperate effort. 24, please be more careful with your stubborn heart, but not too careful. Try to lead by example, let hope spring eternal, and believe that some, if not most, if not all people are generally, fundamentally, or at least partially good and wish to visit good, in turn, upon the earth. Cling to that notion of goodness as if it were the inflatable safety raft of your loss at sea.

Please maintain calm. We will reconvene in approximately 365 days, upon which we will evaluate your performance and will instate 25 as your successor. Please take care of the husk and its many physical needs accordingly, and remember, it never rains but it pours, throw excess salt over your right shoulder, 42, and the first rule of Italian race car driving: what's behind you is not important.