Insert Nautical Metaphor Here

Up at the register this morning, I witnessed the following exchange near the vestibule that leads to the stairs to the UBC:

Customer #1: They buyin' today?
Customer #2: (Wizened nod) A few.

followed immediately by this one:

Customer#3: Do you think I should check downstairs?
Me: (Mystically) Yeah, I'd check.  You never know what is down there.

The UBC. They're fishers of books.  They have their tackle box ready for books. They're netting tomes in a vast sea of publications.  They're putting worms on hooks and reeling them in (okay, that part isn't accurate at all, there are few if any worms involved in the used book buying process and mainly involves customers coming in Wednesday-Saturday from 10-4 with bags or boxes of books). I'm done with these poorly constructed nautical metaphors.  Catch my drift?

By the way, John Boyne is going to be here on Sunday at 2 for his new book, The House of Special Purpose.  I've read it, loved it, and there aren't any nautical references that I can think of, so let that cleanse your palate.

It's What's Inside That Matters

Devotees of the store, and the UBC in particular, may already be well acquainted with our Find of the Week, in which B-Mail author Paul selects the things Carl and I fish out of the many books that cross our counters and captures their essence with captivating captions. But almost as fun, intriguing and occasionally unnerving are the little things found written inside the covers. Below are some of my favorites from last week:

Sketches on the inner cover of a novel; perhaps plans for some sort of sinister subterranean Stonehenge?

Har. Har.

Perhaps the best Ex Libris plate I've ever seen? Inside an old Modern Library hardcover.

Sometimes You Just Want to Hug a Customer

This morning, a woman bought a copy of J.D. Salinger's Nine Stories.  I told her about how I buy copies of this collection and hand them out whenever I feel someone needs it.  She told me about her favorite edition (the entirely white cover with the rainbow corner) and how her favorite story was "The Laughing Man." I had to comment--that story haunts me every year, and I always read it as slowly as possible. Upon every re-read I find something new, and it's always connected to some new life experience I've had that allows me to interpret a bit more of the story to fit my evolving idea of 'adulthood.'  I wish I could go back to my sixteen-year-old self and see what she saw upon reading that story, because that point of view is long gone.

I told the woman about reading it again in a college English class and being startled by what it contained.  Things I had previously glossed over popped to the forefront, holding my face in its hands and forcing me to look it in the eye.  Much like the story itself, I had been reading without bothering to notice there was a storyteller with a life of their own behind it.

It turned out the woman was a professor getting ready to teach "The Laughing Man" to one of her classes. As she left, she smiled at me and said, "You've affirmed my faith in everyone under thirty."

Weird Things Customers Say in Bookshops: Brookline Edition (Part 1?)

Jen Campbell's Weird Things Customers Say in Bookshops addresses a topic that's pretty near and dear to my heart. It ain't a bad book. But we can do better. This post is a highlights reel (and possible recurring feature?) of all the wacky verbal gems our booksellers have collected over the years. Not gonna lie - you guys say some weird stuff.


Customer: "Is this a women's book?"
Bookseller: "Pardon?"
Customer: "This book. Is it for women to read?"
Bookseller: "I... don't see why not?"
Customer: "Oh. Well that's no good. I need a men's book. Do you have any books for men?"

~ ~ ~

Two customers perusing audiobooks:
1: "I'm surprised there aren't more of these."
2: "Yeah, some people still like to read books."

~ ~ ~

Customer: "Who wrote Charles Dickens?"
Bookseller: "..."
Customer: "Sorry - who wrote A Christmas Carol?"

~ ~ ~

Bookseller: "We can order that book in for you, but it's only available in hardcover."
Customer: "How hard is it?"

~ ~ ~

Customer: "I'm looking for the book about dinosaurs in space."
Bookseller: "I'm not familiar with that one. Do you know the title?"
Customer: "Something like Star T-Rex."
Bookseller: "...could it be Star Trek?" 
Customer: "Oh. I guess. That's not nearly as cool, is it?"

~ ~ ~

Customer: "Do you give discounts for good looks?"
Bookseller: "You're not my type."
Customer: "That line always works at the library."

~ ~ ~

Customer: "I'm looking for that new hippopotamus book."
Bookseller: "Is that... Elegance of the Hedgehog?"
Customer: "Yup."

~ ~ ~

Customer: "I'm looking for a book but I don't have the title or the author and all I know is it's VERY erotic."

~ ~ ~

Customer: "Where are the books on illiteracy?"

~ ~ ~

Customer: "What kind of books are these?"

Bookseller: "All the ones in this section are fiction."
Customer: "Like, pretend?"

~ ~ ~

Customer: "Please tell me you have a book on domesticating chickens."

Bookseller: "I can't believe it but yes."

~ ~ ~

Customer: "Where are your adult pop-up books?"

Bookseller: "Adult pop-up?"
Customer: "Yeah. You know. The sexy ones."

~ ~ ~

And one final gem from the pen-testing paper on our art supplies table:

Stay classy, Brookline. We heart you.