Being Right Exactly Here, In This Spot, Right Now

In this life we want everything right now. It's not entirely our fault; it's the animal part of our brains, the id part that sees what it wants and goes for it. We want to be happy right now. We want to be better right now. We want a new job, a new car, a boyfriend, to feel better about ourselves, it all has to be now. I really struggled with that concept when I was a teenager; this idea that you have to already be what you are, you can never be in progress or in transition. Society wants you to wake up one day and just Already Be It. Not just society; we all wish for that. We all wish that we could just be better, but we are unwilling to begin the slow, agonizing process of being "better", whatever better means for you in this instance.

The problem is that that instinct is not really about "right now". I want to lose that weight right now because if I lose it now, then tomorrow, I will be happy because I will be thin. I want that new car right now because if I have a cool new car, my coworkers will respect me and I'll get a promotion and then in the future I'll be more popular. I want to stop missing my ex girlfriend right now, because I feel really crappy and people aren't supposed to feel crappy. The problem with those thoughts is that those thoughts are about a future you can't really foresee or control. I'm not suggesting you shouldn't have dreams to lose weight or buy a car or what have you, it's just that the effects of those things are abstract. You'll be happy, you'll be loved, you will feel like getting out of bed again. Those are all the goal, sure, but there are so many ways to get there, some of which you can't even envision right now.

The proof of that concept is this: have you ever dated somebody from your friend group and then thought to yourself, 'if somebody had told me six months ago I'd be dating Bettina, I would have laughed right in their face'. That's because your relationship with Bettina and your relationship with yourself shifted in a way that you could have never predicted happening, because it was so far outside your realm of experience, but now here you are, no more or less yourself, here and now. Which is were you always are, you are always here, but sometimes your thoughts project you outwards as if you're also in the future. You're not. You're just here. But I don't want to get too new-agey on you. That's somebody else's job.

I don't know about self-help. Some things work for some people, and they don't work for others, and your only option is to pick your way through things to find out what takes hold for you. For myself, I try and force myself to be present wherever I go, especially when I am going through a tough time in my life. When I say force myself, I mean really, I have to force myself. It doesn't always work. Sometimes I can't stop worrying about tomorrow, and those are the moments when I am at my unhappiest. I didn't want to write this post in terms of "here are some self-help books that you can maybe read once, think are a really good idea, but then never learn anything from". Part of me really believes that self-help, like the diet industry, is one huge Goliath of people that think they know best, preying on the insecurities of others in order to separate them from their money.

 I'm not into it. The images of the three books I have placed here are books I stand by and believe in, because the three of them are basically talking about the same thing in different ways. They're all talking about right now. I highly recommend "Be Here Now", it's been one of my staff recs before and now everyone is going to think I'm some crazy new age hippie. The book was written in the 60's after Ram Dass (formerly Richard Alpert) was done going through his acid-trip phase and changed his life by finding a guru and beginning the journey to enlightenment. The book has all the trappings of those elements; the writing is very groovy, and there are illustrations. I find it such a relief that the book is so flawed; the polished attitude of these self-helpers makes me deeply uncomfortable, and I don't like being told what to do by people that aren't paying me. Ram Dass isn't trying to change anyone's minds, he's simply stating some facts he finds to be true. You don't have to feel bad about yourself to read this book; that's important to me, as it is a cornerstone in the self-help pantheon.

I don't know how one betters oneself, frankly, but I do know that it doesn't happen overnight, and for some of us, may never be a muscle that is constantly flexed. I think, for myself and perhaps, for you, too, having negative thoughts about ourselves or about what we're doing in our lives is a knee-jerk reaction, and it takes work and practice to turn that kind of thinking into a fuel. The practice part is the most important; your mind, like your body, has a contact memory that you might not be aware of. The more dark thoughts you have, the more that will be generated. The more you encourage yourself to grow and explore, the easier that instinct will get. Once you get really good at it, perhaps you can start to believe that it is enough to just be.You don't have to do anything else. You just show up; and here you are.

Waiting and waiting

Perhaps winter has passed us over with a brown kind of spring.  And Then It's Spring.  Like, really spring!  A green spring.


Presenting Caldecott award winning illustrator of  A Sick Day for Amos McGee, Erin E. Stead's, new creation:

I'm not sure how to describe how brilliant this picturebook is.  The text is just enough, but the true  charm is in the woodblock and pencil art.  Though it rains and shines, everything is a "just brown sort of brown."  The seeds are planted and "they are trying."  Will it ever be spring, when "the brown isn't around and now you have green, all around you have green"?

Perfect for gardeners new and old.

Destination: Love

There are many reasons to travel, not the least of which is love. While many of us travel to uproot, others go in search of connection. "I've traveled for love, and loved to travel, making it hard to disentangle cause from effect," writes Elizabeth Eaves in her prologue to Wanderlust, a travel narrative of her love affairs both on and with five continents. This Valentines Day, I've scoured the shelves of Destination Literature to bring you love stories--from the passionate to the platonic--set around the world.

Learning a foreign language in order to travel can often mean learning the language of love. This was true for Kirstin Espinasse, who fell in love with a Frenchman and moved to France to marry him, build a family, and learn the language. Words in a French Life tells her story of love and family life through heartwarming vignettes, each headed by a new French vocabulary word.

Deborah Fallows' Dreaming in Chinese begins with the Chinese symbol for Wo ai ni! (I love you!) and a chapter entitled "The Grammar of Romance," in which Fallows explores the complexities of both language and love.  Ai, the Chinese word for love, she discovers, has no tense. "'Love is existence,'" reads the definition for ai in the Concise Chinese-English Dictionary for Lovers, "'holding past and future.'"

Jennifer Steil's The Woman Who Fell From the Sky begins in a bridal chamber in Yemen, where Steil, a New York City journalist, is helping her friend prepare for a Yemeni wedding ceremony. By the end of the book, Steil has fallen in love herself. In between, Steil teaches a journalism class to the staff of the Yemen Observer, becoming its editor-in-chief as she attempts to instigate a free-speech model of journalism in a culture whose traditions and beliefs often come in direct conflict with her own.

All of these books have the potential to be great companions for a lonely Valentines Day, or inspiring adventures to share with the one you love.

Inside Jokes

So these are some cool books that are in the UBC. Basically, they're awesome. They're sitting around waiting for a home. And I bet you a ka-trillion dollars that if you bought one, had it wrapped, and gave it as a gift it might work as an inside joke or it could even become one. Or maybe all the books together create some sort of inside joke, a wink perhaps, to a certain husband of the blogger who's turning 30 on Sunday. Just sayin' 'zall.

For your consideration: 

Ennui To Go, or, for $8 a collection of quotes from awesome people throughout the ages on the subject of ennui, published by Seattle publishing house Sasquatch.

F in Exams, or for $5.50 an exciting collection to prepare tomorrow's professor.

Copernicus: Philosophy and Science. For $9.50, a cool catalogue for an exhibition of prints, engravings and manuscripts. A perfect gift for the philosopher or historian of science. Lotsa words in here, too.

Or, my personal favorite, Space Shuttle. $3.50 FOLKS! Cross-sections, illustrations and facts from a bygone era. This book was written by a Ph.D., so you KNOW it's legit.

In closing, Happy Birthday to all you Aquarians born on the same day as Abraham Lincoln and Charles Darwin who like the movie Kids in the Hall: Brain Candy, dark chocolate and coffee and whose favorite athlete is Maru.


Also: happy laughing to people who have friends and share jokes.

Killer Stories

Kate put a galley of this into my mail box the other day. I was definitely talking to someone about it earlier, they said they were reading it and I emphatically mentioned I would like to borrow it after they were done, but apparently it wasn't Kate, because the blank stare she gave me when I asked her if I had had a conversation with her about it let me know she was not the one. Anyway, I was psyched to have it; I would not go so far as to say that I am obsessed with serial killers, or even have a penchant for their biographies, however, I must say, I find them fascinating. In no other particular way do these maudlin tones manifest themselves in my everyday life. I am ambivalent about horror movies, gore, any kind of viral what-have-you that might be running around on the internet at the time. Sure, I went through a goth phase in high school, but that was mostly just for laughs. There is something so interesting, however, about the character investigation of a real-life serial killer, and I find I can't ignore a good intrigue.

In 2010, for example, the night of our Booksmith holiday party, I was closing up the store for the night and felt terribly feverish. Tragically, I had to forgo the holiday party, in order to go home and sweat out the monsters for approximately two and a half days. I live on the fourth floor of a walk up, and my roommate was out of town at the time, so I was essentially isolated in what felt like a damp, sticky nest of decay until I begged my Dad to bring me Advil gel caps about 14 bottles of fruit punch flavoured Vitamin Water. During this time, I also happened to be reading "Helter Skelter", the true account of the Manson family murder investigations. This led to hours and hours of sitting up in bed, reading about atrocities and the general Manson family history, and then equal time spent tossing and turning, having surreal, almost comically gory fever-dreams of murders, screaming, and viscera. Eventually I was basically only leaving my room to streak (as fast as a very sick person can) to the bathroom, to stare, bleary-eyed and otherwise askew, at my gaunt reflection sweating back at me in the bathroom mirror. "Why are you doing this?" I asked myself. "Stop reading the book, you have hundreds of books, read another book." Then I would turn back, go back into my room, and watch clips of Charles Manson interviews on youtube until I fell asleep again and re-entered the malevolent dream circus of my own mind.

It's a car crash, is what it is. You know it's crass, you know you ought to look away while others suffer, but you can't. Your own morbid curiosity is so powerful that even though you don't want to know, you really want to know. Maybe not all the grimy, gritty details (or maybe, who knows) but the general impression of terror is enough to spark your terrible interest. "My Friend Dahmer" (which will be available in March) is a good, quick read. I do wish the narrative went deeper into detail about Dahmer's life, although it is written (and illustrated) by an actual friend of Jeffrey Dahmer and so is somewhat an autobiographical account. I recommend you pick it up when it becomes available, even though it will probably barely wet the whistle of your thirst for the gruesome.

That's all for this week, friends and lover. Don't forget our bi-annual coven and bake-off meeting this Monday. Satan and Sugar Frosting go together like horse and carriage down this way. All are welcome. Long live Beelzebub. 

Stay Creative

Stuck inside with nothing to do? Or, perhaps you would like something different for a time outdoors when the weather is deceptively springish? Art kits are wonderful. And, I love that most kids aren't afraid of art. If the sky is purple or the cat looks like a six-legged blue monkey, who cares! The joy is in the creation and finished product.

It is depressing, though, when somewhere along the line you “can” only create art if you are a professional artist. Seriously? Art is okay for kids but not adults? You don't have to be refined or professional to create great art. (Okay, maybe you need to be exceptional if you are a graphic artist or illustrator, but that's different). I'm talking about good old fashioned art time – a fun and creative outlet for thoughts, emotions, and energy.

I am happy to announce that we now carry the kits from Creativity for Kids. Allow me to sketch a a few highlights for the artist hiding within you:

Flower Press and Nature Cards

A perfect blend for a nature and art lover. All of the supplies are included to make greeting cards, gift tags, and bookmarks. Through use of some watercolor paints, a little flower press kit, and more, anyone would be glad to receive these creations. ($15.95, ages 6+)

Do Art Travel Easel

Welcome to the easel that houses many materials – Faber-Castell pastels, markers, chalk, a white board marker, colored pencils, a pencil sharpener, a sponge, and a drawing pad. This two-sided easel can easily be set up on the floor or table and can be stored in small spaces or be tucked away in a suitcase for a trip. So whether your child loves chalkboarding, whiteboarding, or drawing, this easel just might be the right fit! ($34.95, ages 5+)

Finger Prints Finger Painting Set

This fingerprinting set is probably different from what you are used to. The finger printing – or, maybe smearing – takes place on a plastic board. When complete, a sheet of paper is placed over it and, using a roller, is transferred onto the paper. This way multiple copies can be made.

Don't worry, the 6 paints included are washable and there is an apron, so everything is ready to go. ($24.95, ages 3+)

2 Glass Bowls 4U2 Paint

Love to create, but need something useful to create it on? Me too. How about these glass bowls? Learn the technique of reverse glass painting and you will have a personal fruit, popcorn, candy, and/or chip bowl. ($24.95, ages 8+)

I love their motto: Childhood creativity lasts a lifetime!

Dream Destinations

The other day, my coworker Ric dreamed he was in Haiti. He was walking on top of the water there, looking down at the fish swimming below. "Why Haiti?" I asked. He wasn't sure, but apparently the night before that, Ric's subconcious took him to Chile.

"Hey," Ric said, "it's cheaper than flying."

For the rest of us who can't afford the airfare, for those of us with a less inventive subconscious who can't depend on the thrift of dreamworld travel, there's Destination Literature.

If you haven't visited this relatively new section at Booksmith, and if the fresh springlike air of our uncommonly warm first of February had you restless to go somewhere new, check out the literature there, shelved geographically, and if not cheaper than a good dream-filled night's sleep, at least you won't have to pay for the hotel.