Thursday, December 15, 2011

Really Super Serious Business.

There's a line in the 90's comedy series "Strangers with Candy" that Stephen Colbert delivers to Paul Dinello after heartlessly breaking up with him: "I wasn't pushing you away! I was just pulling me towards myself." With the holidays comes the mass return of your old ghosts to the homestead, possibly along with you. I happen to live in my home town, in the same 3 mile radius of my grade school that I've always lived, because somebody isn't dedicated to academia enough to have gone to school out of state. But I'm not bitter. Okay I'm mildly bitter. I'm like a cheap - wait, affordable - merlot. And I intend to age as such: badly, acidic, a bouquet of failed dreams.

Wait I'm so sorry, what were we talking about, I forgot not everything is about me there for a moment and it was terrifying but I guess I can soldier on.

Some of these old faces are benevolent, some not so much. I am going to have at least two house guests in January alone, and there will be a few other friends that will only be in town for a few days, adamant that I need to see them. Some of them are mad at me for really old reasons. Some of them think I'm a flake, some of them think I stole their thunder/boyfriend/Gameboy Advance, some of them think I'm the best, some of them I've held, drunk, weeping, in a basement bathroom at a party because...okay yeah I don't remember why. Basement party, you know. That's where all the really depraved business happens.

But, ghosts, even if you're not happy to see me, I'm happy to see you. Well, most of you. You, not so much, guy I sat next to in Chem class junior year. Yeah, I see you, eyeing me from the check out line at CVS. Yeah, I did get hot. I know. Thank you for noticing, I'll see you in hell.

 If we can't all come together and shut our g-d mouths at Christmukkah, than when can we? Isn't that what the holidays are all about? Realizing that everyone you know is terrible but loving them for some of the funny things they do that aren't so terrible. January is going to be a great month, and not only because my birthday is going to be in it, but because I get to see all my stupid friends from a thousand years ago that I've screwed over like a thousand times by ignoring them to hang out with whomever I was making out with at the time. Ah, Christmas! Fa la la la la, la la la la! And then the best part is, a few days afterward, I get to start over a whole new leaf at 2012 and make believe that I am capable of keeping new years resolutions, which is just a ridiculous prospect. But nevermind!

Oh, ps. I started the audio book for "The Night Circus", but it's too early to tell what I think about it except that do you think 2012 is going to be the year I get Jim Dale to narrate my whole life? Gosh, I hope so. I'm so tired of doing my own voice. Ugh, can somebody carry me to the register for my shift now please? UGH WHY.

In summation: Jamie loves hugs. Jamie loves you. (from "My Fold Out: I Love You")

N.B. Jamie would have it known that she is "doing a Say Anything thing, okay? Not everyone will get that."
Thank you, Jamie.

Happy Holidays, Brookline. Keep your chin up.

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