Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Getting Used To It, Or, Nuggets From The UBC Desk!

- People always "schlep" their books. A Few choose to "haul" or "drag". Once, a rather peachy old gent "lugged" his books. That was cool.

- Often, people really enjoy "schlepping" or "lugging" (as with the peachy old gent) their books in hugely enormous suitcases. Like really huge. Like ones you could use to smuggle a fully grown malamute across the border. Like, so huge, you'd think they'd been evicted from their dorm and are moving in. People really enjoy "hauling" around trunks filled with books.

- When a customer says "I've got some really great titles here for you! You're gonna jump out of your socks when you see these! Get ready!" Its usually a really bad selection of books. I mean, really, really bad. 1996 LSAT-stash bad. Bonfire-worthy bad.

- When a customer says "Man, I've got some real stinkers here. Whatever you don't take, and I imagine you won't want any of this, I'm going to schlep them to the edge of town in my hugely enormous suitcase!" Its usually really incredible stuff. Best-sellers and tip-in art books and pristine New Direction poetry books. Always happens. Always.

- The most frequently asked question I'm asked is "How are the books arranged." The second is "Where's you're toilet?" And just for kicks, the third is "Where are the movies?"

- Only once have I ever made a customer remove his shoes before stepping on our new rug. Its OK. I knew the guy. It was a gag. We laughed. Everything is cool now.

- On the surface, it would appear that the cooking section is not in any discernible order. This is false. They are arranged by smell.

- I totally bought the 3-D monster film book. It was in the B-mail. You had your chance.

- Oftentimes people will say "Shouldn't it be the Used Book Seller" and I say "Yes, you're correct. In fact, there's another floor below. There's an Olympic size pool down there. It's nice."

- The dollar books are the books that have been on the shelf a long time and are pulled to make room for the new arrivals. The dots on the bottom on the books allow us to determine how long a book has been on the shelf. When a dollar book doesn't sell, we secretly switch it with the staff's fine coffee and see if anyone can tell the difference.

- The staff can never tell the difference.

- The store credit is good for anything in the store, except the furniture and most of the staff.

- One time a customer said "The credit doesn't expire? Then I suppose this credit will out-live me!" to which I replied "That's a bit morbid, eh!" ... That was three years ago. Haven't seen the dude since.

- Prices are generally set at half the list price plus $0.50. That is unless our chakra charts dictate otherwise.

- The fourth most frequent question is "What's with all the chairs?" and almost always, when I reply "Ghostwriter convention" nobody laughs.

No comments: